Characters/Pairings: Jack/Ianto, Gwen, Owen, Tosh
Word Count: 777
Spoilers: Nothing really.
Warnings: Occasional language, Fluff!, all the usual stuff.
Beta: Beta'd by the wonderful thebuttonontop . :)
Disclaimer: This is a work of fan fiction. No monetary compensation has been or will be garnered from this endeavor. This is purely for entertainment purposes and is no way intended to disrespect the creators/owners of Torchwood.
Author's Note: Saria Claus is back, spreading joy and good cheer with another gift. This was written as a holiday present to too_beauty, who requested: "Jack and Ianto and a really embarrassing and domestic situation at Tesco." I hope you enjoy and happy holidays!
“Because it’s not on the list.”
“We can add it to the list.” Shuffle shuffle static scratch scratch. “There. See? Now it’s on the list.”
“Fine. But that’s it. No more adding to the list! We haven’t even picked up half the things on there.”
“All right, all right. No more adding to the list. Promise. Oh! What about this?”
“No! There isn’t enough space in the kitchen!”
“We need a bigger flat.”
“Just so you can buy a case of peanut butter? What do you need a whole case for, anyway?”
“Well,” shuffle shuffle static static shuffle. “I can think of a lot of things.”
Shuffle “Hm. That would leave us rather sticky. And then we’d need new linens. And possibly a new bed. So, still, no.”
“You’re no fun!”
“Oh?” Shuffle static shuffle.
“Okay, okay, I take it back!”
“Good. Now can we please finish here?”
“Yeah. Hey, what’s that giggling noise?”
“Huh? What – oh! I hear it, too. It’s…Oh, shit –“
Gwen pulled her ringing mobile from out of her pocket and checked the screen before flipping it open.
“Ianto, what’s the matter?”
Silence. Shuffle shuffle static shuffle.
She sighed. She was about to ring off when she heard voices. A wave of panic enveloped her as her mind ran through a thousand scenarios, most of them involving Ianto hurt and trapped and unable to speak.
“But we’re out of cocoa!” Jack whined, distant and tinny and muffled over the line. Gwen breathed a sigh of relief. She was about to ring off again when an idea took hold; she turned the volume up on her mobile, a wicked grin on her face.
“We had a whole box two days ago! What did you do with it all?” Ianto sighed.
Gwen chuckled to herself, signaling frantically for Owen and Tosh to join her. As they approached, all eager, determined curiosity, she put a finger over her mouth to keep them silent and gestured to the phone in her hand.
“Well, remember last night and the –“
“Oh God. Right. Yes, okay, cocoa. You really used the whole thing?”
“Well, there was a lot of skin to cover.”
Covering the mouthpiece with her thumb and her lips with her free hand, Gwen tried to suppress her laughter. Grinning, Tosh plucked the device from her hand and scampered to the conference room as Gwen and Owen followed closely behind. The brilliant technician fiddled with a few buttons and, soon enough, they could hear the voice of their captain booming through the speakerphone.
“So, what else is there?” Jack asked, sounding less like he was talking through a tin can with the improved acoustics. Tosh really was a miracle worker.
“Owen wants biscuits.”
“Owen? But aren’t we supposed to be shopping for the flat?”
“I’m not making separate trips.”
“Fine. How’s this?”
“That’ll work. And grab that one for Gwen.”
Gwen beamed excitedly at the mention of her name, eagerly anticipating whatever treat was coming her way.
“Sure. What about Tosh?”
“Taken care of already. See?”
“Nice. And me?”
“Between the flat and the Hub you’ve enough treats to feed every child in Cardiff for a year.”
“So?” Shuffle shuffle shuffle.
“That’s not going to work this time.”
There was a long, drawn-out pause in which little was heard except the shuffling static of movement. The phone beeped a few times as though numbers were being pressed at random, cutting through the soft, low moan that seemed to echo throughout the boardroom.
“You sure about that?” Jack’s voice had dropped an octave or two.
“Yes! I mean, no! Er...fine. One package. But that’s it.”
Owen looked at the two women giggling at his side, his face screwed up in a mixture of horror and disgust. He whispered harshly, mostly to himself. “Are they…in Tesco? Snogging? Bloody hell!”
“It’s not…it’s not as bad as that time...when we sent them for curry….” Tosh managed between gasps of near-silent laughter.
“ – my mobile’s on. And it called Gwen!”
Jack grimaced and looked at the device being brandished before him. “And it’s been on for over twenty minutes now.”
“You don’t think she heard anything, do you?” Ianto bit his lower lip slightly.
“Nah.” Jack paused thoughtfully. “Either that, or they’re all sitting around listening to us.” He grinned.
“Yep!” The chorus of snickering voices, tinny and distant, came down the line and blared through the speaker.
Ianto groaned and rang off quickly.
Jack put a comforting hand on Ianto’s shoulder. “Well, at least they aren’t fighting or making a mess....”
Somehow, that didn’t make Ianto feel much better.